K.C.P.E.📚📖

Let's take a quick trip down memory lane, shall we?😎

We can talk about the thrill that came with the day that you malizad the 5 exams and speak of the many lame promises that you and your then classmates made to each other. "Aki we will be friends forever." , "We will go to Kenyatta University and live in one hostel 😲!" ...."Imagine we're now adults?! Katumbo, ebu just imayyyin..🤔🤔" .."Unajua ati university huwa mtu anaenda class akijiskia??..." Ooh the excitement! The joy of walking straight into 'adulthood' like you'd owned it since Kenya's Independence in 1963! The naivety that surrounded that moment! Sigh!

How were your results relayed to you? Were you among those that were at the school gate, eager to read direct from the scripts in the Head teacher's office immediately the gate was opened? Were you among those that looked from afar because ''Aaaah, mimi sipendi kimbelembele...I already know kenye nimepata!" Were you among the lot that had all family members, from the family toddler to great granny, ready to celebrate and lift you to the clouds? Or were you among those that had been shipped to RISERF in readiness for life at the shores of rivers Kuja and the likes of it. I say shipped because that's what happened back in the day - they didn't allow us to consent to that act! Now that a certain phase of your life had come to a good end, it was time 'you knew how to learn the basics of survival'. You needed to have your hands strengthened, prepared for life ahead, they said. Everything was decided for you! You really wanted to have the chance to get together with friends especially when receiving your results but Mama akisema unaenda ushago? Case closed! You don't question African parents! When they say you have been bewitched, my friend do not fight it! Accept it - if peace of mind is what you desperately need for survival! 

I fall in the latter category. Right after my Std. 8 exams, my siblings and I were shipped like bags of miraa to dala, Migori County😂. I remember feeling like something was being stripped off me. I wanted to so badly live life in Nairobi (as a grown up 😎🤣) for much longer before I went home to learn how to handle jembes and fetch water from rivers! Those were the hardest and most insane weeks of my life post primary schooling, no doubt! Waking up to sounds of cows mooing, birds chirping, an African mother chanting prayers and probably a cat purring right next to your ear as you slept on that mat spread in the middle of your grand-mother's living room, shared by 7 cousins. I am not a bad person, it's just that sometimes things get to you and cats no longer seem like cute pets - there's a cat that disrespected me enough times and its irritating purr caused me to one day grab it and slam it on the wall of my grand-mother's living room. A teenager's temper🤣😂😲! I don't own a cat, I wouldn't love it enough as it should be loved. I've since become more gentle though ... ageing does that to you!

So this particular day, day's done, my sister and I setting the table at my brother's place after preparing a proper meal for all 10, if not 15 of us. Of course, by then we'd become tough enough to cook the kienyeji ugali where you had to kanyaga the sufuria with both our legs and have the moshi hit all corners of your eyes! By the time you were walking out of that grass-thatched kitchen, you had become a soldier! A soldier from the troops sent out by the USSR in a world war! You'd come out of a nasty war unscathed and now demand pure unfiltered respect, if there's anything like that. 🤣🤣😂. You eyes would be teary but these were not to be confused with tears of grief - these were victory tears! You had conquered the war and now majestically walk out to sit on the Iron Throne - your reward.

We set it all up and there's everyone around the table but my brother. He'd not come home yet but soon as the "AMEN" to kick-start the mulo session was said, your mans walked right into the house 😂🤣. With him was a big soda - soda madiaba! One thing was for certain - there's about to be a celebration in this house - what for though??! Soda madiaba wasn't something you'd joke about. Soda madiaba was a celebration tool! Soda madiaba rarely made it to the our door steps! Soda madiaba was luxury!!! So what could this be about?

"Mercy unajua results zimetokea kweli?"

Of course I knew that they were out. I just didn't have a way to get the news and know exactly what I'd attained. Unlike other classmates, I didn't have much confidence in myself to make it past 250 marks with a huge margin but I was praying that if it was my worst performance, Jesus would just let it be 250 marks or slightly above that! 250 would get me somewhere at least! Jesus wouldn't let me be a laughing stock among my peers, would he?

"We are very disappointed in you! Umetuaibisha familia ya Kangwato!...Nimepigiwa simu ati umepata 150 marks out of 500!...Jameni!!!!!!..."

Now, fish is my main. See how there's a main and there's a side dish?🤣 Fish has been my main nigga since time immemorial. I'd do fish anytime! 😎😜😋.....This was the ONLY time in my life I felt like the fish that we were having for dinner that day was tasteless. It was at this point that i realized that even a perfect relationship can one day get tested! Having such news delivered to me when I was eating my favorite food was a stab right into my ventricles! Everyone was silent at the table, looking at me in dismay - giving me that vibe the other disciples gave Judas when he was called out by Jesus! Like, BRETHREN..HOW DARE THEE??😂😂😂😂😂 I felt helpless and the only sane thing to do was to cry. I bawled my eyes out! I couldn't believe that this is how things were about to end...

"B.b..b..but si nilisoma aki?" ...."N..n..nani amekuambia?" ..."Ako sure..?" .."Nataka kurepeat!"...."Hizo sio marks zangu..." I was broken and dreams of better days shattered on the spot. But on my mind, and on other's minds, lingered one question. WHY DO WE THEN HAVE A SODA MADIABA???

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It was revealed shortly afterwards that I had actually passed my exams, not with jumping or crawling, but with flying colors 😂😎🤩, and that they'd decided to prank me into believing that I had failed terribly. The soda madiaba was used for its rightful function - celebrating my success!

Siblings can be a terrible lot! We love them anyway. Fred Agwambo Janyakune, mlifanya nilie sana hio siku but I love you all for that!

All the best to the K.C.P.E class of 2018. Wow, old age is really coming fast! Fast & Furious --- 😎