Cannot to Can

Normally, i would start off this post with a 'sincere' apology for not being consistent in posting much content on the blog. This time however, I'm not apologising coz even if i do, I'm sure with life's buzzing nature I'll not keep the promise of serving you (my dear readers) with fresh posts every now and then. You get me, right? Good. Lets proceed.

This post is about love. Love for animals? No. Love for man? No. It's about love for Maths. You may ask "What relationship does this love of yours have with the topic?", then I'd go ahead and explain in detail how the two are 'married'.

Mathematics and I become passionate companions back in 2008. I'll talk about the subject like a person, so don't confuse stuff  *grin*. Now, 2008 was not the first time I'd met him,  I did when still a little child in nursery school. At the time, he was this tender hell of a guy who was easy to relate with and uncovering his BODMAS contents was a walk in the park. He knew my needs and i knew his; additions and subtractions he made look like stories from Ladybird Storybooks. For five years straight we had a good, but not perfect relationship. I'm using good because there were times solving him out proved difficult and that resulted into fights - far from perfect. As we began the 6th year, all was good up until he started 'seeing himself'. He developed into this complicated, ruthless, disengaged guy who cared less about how i felt. We broke up.

He had quite a number of fans who worshiped and adored him because he allowed them to solve him, while denying me the same. There was a large group of friends i had who hated him too; this comforted me - so I stopped caring and decided to make friend with guys like Science, Kiswahili, Social Studies to name but a few. This gave me a balance and stopped me from crying over spilled milk. The peak of the 'hatred phase' was in the 8th year. This year was unbearable - Math was made prefect of class; ruled the class, was kept priority; hater or no hater, you had to encounter him! I was scared of him. Each morning he would come to class, set few complicated bodmas questions that we had to solve. I would cry (literally) and feel useless because I knew that I couldn't solve them. I tried so many time but i just could not find solutions.

As much as i gave myself time to revise methods to solve him, I failed EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I gave up trying and would occasionally say, "whatever the outcome will be, i won't care." I let the hatred take over me so badly, i listened to those who said it was hard and even made that my song. I had if fixed in my mind that there were zero possibilities of ever coming up with solutions. Can't became my motto.

Fast forward, 9th year (high school). I meet him again. This time, with a different attitude (from me); determined to show him that I'm a different kind of girl; that I've got all it takes to shatter his ego. I needed no relationship, i just needed to show him how far i could go to effect the 'ego shattering'. The 1st step to changing my CAN'T to CAN was Deciding that enough was enough! I was tired of being last, tired of struggling, tired of not having solutions...just tired of it all. Once i decided that i didn't want to be associated with failure, i folded my sleeves and got down to work. I stopped listening to people saying Maths was hard, I stopped hanging out with those who only placed CAN'T before every path they took. I became a tiger. I increase the speed of focus. I developed passion and by the 12th year, CAN was the motto. - and i fell in love again!!!

.....................I delved too much into the last part, i think i lost track of referring to Maths as a person. Anyway, you get the drift i hope. Thing is, CAN'T always seems easy to spell out and even to exercise. You can decide (as i did), and change all those impossibilities into possibilities. 

Give a deaf ear to negative comments; those saying you can't. Get out there, try out something and lose, at least you will have taken a step and learnt from it! Be the designer of your destiny (ok, God is...but can't you help propel the boat there??). I'm not saying you love Maths like i do. Channel your love to something that brings you joy. You know you can! 

xx