Mother's Day

How many Mother’s days do we have yawa? Is it 8th, 10th or 13th May? Does this change yearly? Is it a week of celebration of motherhood? Is it another Idd-Ul-Adh? Mtu anitoe ushamba kama venye brother Omollo alitoa tint please! Sasa mkishinda mmepost kila siku ‘happy mothers day’ mnatuchanganya sisi watu tuko busy deciding whether the AyiiBiiSi (IEBC) should postpone the elections and give the gov’t time & room for negotiations with Mehico on the amounts of Yellow maize to be imported to Kenya to curb this crisis. We are busy people please! 

Thanks to Fesbuk and other Sosio Media platforms, I get to remember to send the Special text/gift to the many wonderful women who’ve raised me and avoid being accused. “Hukunitumia ata message ya Mothers Day….nani anafanya ubadilike hivi? Umepata boyfriend? Huyo kijana wazazi wake wanajua anakupoteza? Nikiamka 4am kuenda Gikomba ndio muende shule huyo kijana alikuwa wapi…..?😂 What they don’t decode is that their preferred text should always and most times come via Safaricom disguised as an MPESA message:

“KLD4JCG7 Confirmed. You have received Ksh.xxx from the queen you raised who is now working closely with Kirubi and is soon finalizing her contract with the Shark Tank panelists who will pour money in her account like nobody’s business! Once you use this money text her that watu wa chama wanangoja contribution yako ya next month and you’re going to a matanga in two weeks; ule Uncle ya Sister ya Cousin ya Baba ya Otieno, the guy who carried her akiwa mdogo bila suruali has died. Alianguka akikimbiza ile kuku yao inaitwa Kadogo. Safaricom, the better option.”

What does this day (whichever date you think it is) mean to you? Is it just all about a wonderful ‘awwwww appreciation post or is it more than that? Is it you actually taking this as real as it is and reading this awww text loud for her over some special treat at a place of her choice where she’s not forced by society to probably use fork and knife? What’s your way of making her feel like the queen she is and has been? Is this just a thing you do on this date ama it’s something you do for her occasionally……it’s not been her sole efforts, what about dad? The man who’s frequently forgotten. You know how best you can approach this. Make ’em smile when you still have them around. Age is catching up and death favours none. (Ask me about it!!)

What are some of the crazy/good/abominable/ fun memories you’ve shared with her? Maybe this day (with all the mushy reminders all over) reminds you of one? Mimi sasa zangu sai naweza cheka. Back then I thought that woman was out to finish me politically…my life was in danger, I was being targeted and almost executed for sins I did not commit.

Sijui kama ni urogi ama it’s just kupenda kubembelezwa…I don’t know. Kususu kwa bed was my thing for as long as I can remember. I was a Legendary bedwetter. Yaani I had a PhD in Bed Wetting Management and Execution. I had been in the game long enough to perfect the act till i made peace with it. I was the Ole Ntimama of Bed-wetting, I refused to give my seat up. Kila mtu kwa nyumba alikuwa anajua hii ‘shida’ yangu ilikuwa everlasting…never-ending …. Singelala bed ya juu coz it would rain Cats & dogs in the Kangwato household on a dry weather period. My mum used this against me so many times It pissed me off. We had this loyal Maasai customer who would always buy mboga zetu or basically anything Ata kama they were close to their expiry date…..talk about insisting on the almost yellow skuma and receiving them with joy! Never been that loyal to anyone…..Nilikuwa nashuku anakatia madhe but these are thoughts you’d just think about and pray that they never come out of your big mouth lest you sleep hungry for a whole week! Kumbe this Ole-Someone had eyes on me…but sikuwa najua. He had “booked” me for marriage and would express his seriousness by being loyal to our kibanda. Aki yaoo (Maina Kageni’s voice!)

So this fine Saturday Mercy is busy tending to orders from all over trying to impress the customers with her quick and smooth skuma-cutting and multi-tasking skills; jiko iko hapo kando mahindi lazima nigeuze zisichomeke…order ya Spinach mbili na nyanya lazima niweke kwa paperbag (customer hakubeba yake sasa lazima nikimbie nitoe kwa drawer ya mummy.) Customer flani amesema nikate cabbage ya 15bob na nisirudierudie…….. Kuna huyu dem anakaa sonko-sonko amevaa dirty-jeans na t-shirt ya ‘piloti’ anataka kuchongewa waru ….(nkt,akona maringo lakini hio pesa ni fare ya next week manze…pride kando). It’s clearly a busy day and yours truly is okay with it and handling things like OPA (Olivia Pope & Associates). Mummy comes back from Marikiti…finds Mercy all busy….she’s happy she raised a hard-worker. Now here, seated next to the beautiful hard worker, while several esteemed customers she drops the bombshell aki.

Leo umefanya kazi nyathina (My child)….lakini ulishatoa blanketi nje kuanika kweli? Leo ulikojoa hadi kwa kichwa.” 😂😂😂 This, my friends was NOT funny or nowhere close to it. Yaani this woman brought to light the secret of the family. She opened up room for strangers to know the happenings of our house. She betrayed me. She killed my dreams of ever being nominated as Women Rep for Ngando Ward😂….Political enemies now had something against me. This was breach of trust my people! This could not be taken back…..Issa Setback, a major one. My political journey ended before it even began. She hit me below the belt fam…😂 Literally! When they said “The oilskin of the house is not for rubbing into the skin of strangers, this woman was not paying attention owada. “

I was imprisoned in my own home fam..even after she mentioned that and had an applause and standing ovation and comments like “Huyu mrembo ivi?”, “Sasa si akifika high school atakuwa mfereji?” from the customers …she still expected me to smile and act like she just didn’t ruin the chances of me ever being Toto’s girlfriend Toto; the handsome young boy with big white teeth mwenye husaidia mama yake kupika mandazi hapo karibu na kwa Kaimosi will get wind of this revelation and he would stop bringing me mandazi ya kuficha kwa mfuko……what a blurred future I was gonna have!!!To add salt to injury, Ole-Maasai, Ole-Ozband (oga accent), Ole-Yellow mboga aka Ole-I will marry you, aka Ole-I’m Loyal akafika tu apo just in time to catch his future mother-in-law making fun of his future bride. My friends, this is when they say the situation jumped from the frying pan to the fire “Huyu unataka kumwoa kweli? Ni mrembo sana na anajua kazi. Lakini hii kukojoa yake hataki kuwacha. Juzi anaamka mapema sana ndio watu wasimwone akianika blanketi. Anajua kung’ara sana……hatoki kwa kioo. Ole-Maasai, hapa sijui utaleta kwanza zile dawa mnabebanga kwa mtungi kwanza tuone kama itatibu hii ugonjwa? 😂😂

“Kamasi (he calls me that to date) ….wewe nakojoa kwa kitanda? Ama Mama nawekelea wewe?” I look and deny with no words coming out of my mouth you’d think i’m deaf. “We hapana jali. Kwetu sisi akona mzee anapea watu dawa ya tumbo. Itafanya wewe awache haraka. Katia mimi mboga ya kobole.” “Najua wewe bado takua bibi msuri.”………….nigga pleeeeease!!! Stop it already

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Mama’s intent was not to shame me. She was just making fun of me…she was full of love for her baby despite the princess being a record holder in this area. Btw haikuwa ugonjwa….I can gladly report that curse was lifted by the gods. I was set free. Wacheni Mungu aitwe Mungu jameni.Happy mothers day to all mothers! Happy mothers day pia kwa wale machali hukuwa na umama

For the love, for being selfless for our sake, for being overprotective, for being stern when it requires you to be, for the embarrassments, for fun memories……We Appreciate you! For those still living….teach us more better ways to approach life. For those who have gone ahead of us…..your legacy lives on. You raised kings and queens and all you taught us keeps us afloat. Your prayers have kept us energized and with morale to see only the positives. Thank you!

Cc: Jane Akello, Risper Othoche, Hanne Howard, Mama Kariuki, Mama Wechuli, Mama Wangare. 

#HappyMothersDay