Love me now, please?

"She was ever happy, always smiling and social, I will miss you."

"She used to share African stuff on her social media pages and I had promised to support her, so sad!"

"What happened? Please someone tell me what happened, I'm in total shock!"

"My condolences to the family, how can we help?"

"RIP. Please someone share a Pay-bill Number where we can assist the family with the burial arrangements...so sad."

I'm just trying to put my imagination on paper of some of the phrases; some of dismay and some pretentious, that people would write on my TL or say once news hit the waves that I am no more. Just as it usually goes, someone close’ll shares the sad news, another posts it on social media and the post gets hundreds of comments, those I'd probably never gotten on that weird smiley selfie I posted a while back, deeply engulfed in depression. Most of the comments will be deep and most will be about how good of a person I was, happy person and what not. You'd not miss the famous 'I wish RIP meant Return If Possible.' Question is, let’s just hypothetically say that I return, would things be different between us? Would you profess this love to my face? Same way you're baring it to the world right now?

What follows the release of the news? Maybe a WhatsApp group is created and they call it 'Assisting with Funeral Arrangements' and a Pay-Bill number is shared. Instant contributions start trickling in and most will go to deep ends to make sure that they've told a friend to tell a friend to contribute towards this. Someone will ‘accidentally’ leave the group while all are busy discussing how good of an individual the deceased was and it’ll leave the members appalled!!!

“How dare he? Who raised that girl? How dare they leave the group? That’s like not caring about a family that’s going through a tough time!!” Cursed be they!!

Maybe this person didn't know the deceased! Maybe they just didn't want to pretend they cared! Maybe they just wanted to contribute and leave the group. Maybe they're uncomfortable professing love to someone they never told so in person. Just maybe.

T-Shirts will be printed and while my smiley last selfie downloaded from my timeline will be printed on the front, the back will read, 'she fought a good fight', 'we love you'! On the day of the burial, you'll get that some people are scrambling for the t-shirts like… "Mbona hujanipatia t-shirt na nilitoa pesa??" There’ll be a high turn-out and family would say “Wow, she really had many friends. This too much love!”

Is it though?

Within the last 24 hours, from a WhatsApp group of about 14 former high school classmates of mine, sad news was shared. Two girls who we all knew passed on this week. We obtained this news from Facebook since none of us was in any way close to either. Triggered by curiosity, of course everyone wanted to know what the causes of these untimely deaths were and where else would we get the information other than their origin? Checking timelines of either, what hits you first are the number of posts, sentimental posts, on their walls. On a happy photo that either shared, there’s someone who goes and writes something close to a love poem and adds onto it a dozen squishy love emoji’s because why not???

These are two cases but I’ve encountered many others, I’m guessing you have too? Ever gone through each comment on a picture/timeline of a deceased? Sometimes I go through some and try to imagine what feeling that person would have if similar sentiments were expressed while they were still able to read what people thought she was! What joy! How amazing would it be if someone brought you flowers out of the blues just because they think you’re a hard-working person and you’ve made them smile? What would you think of a person who wakes up one day and shows up at your doorstep in a t-shirt, on it is a photo of you with the caption ‘I really love hanging out with you.’? Do you celebrate them while they’re around you? Do you go to deep ends for them while they still breathe?

Every time I visit my aunt in her Fish kibanda, all she rumbles on and on about is how me helping her out with dishes and creating time to go see her is all she needs while she’s alive. She insists that if I am to get her flowers, sing her a song, buy her a cake, then the time to do all that is now. She loves hymns and we sing when I visit. She says, please sing for me while I can sit here, enjoying my meal and listen to the sweet melody of ‘How sweet thou art’. I want you to know that I can only feel the love while I am here. Mercy, I don’t want a speech section on my funeral programme, I want that day to be full of songs and praises to the lord because I will have done my time here on earth. Give me the speech right now, look into my eyes and tell me the things you’re keeping for that day. Fill my house with flowers and balloons now! I want to smell the sweet aroma these flowers will fill my abode and see how the differently colored balloons will blend with my furniture. Now I have the senses to recognize that. I have a nose, I have eyes! Love me now, please?

I cannot and will not in any way assume that everyone reading this has been a culprit of this; of giving meaningless speeches and expressing how deeply hurt they are by the demise of either a family member, a close friend, a relative or simply just an acquaintance. I will not assume, but I know I have been one! I too, have been on a comment section pouring my heart out to someone whom I’d never even taken a step to check up on. All I’d see is him posting nice photos of himself, plastering my huge LIKE onto it and scrolling on!! That’s the closest I’d ever gotten to this person but on that comment section you’d think that him and I used to spend each waking day together!

Love me now, please?

I attended the funeral but felt so disconnected. Being part of the WhatsApp groups, channeling all the love to the bereaved family and being on the forefront looking like I was there when it mattered! It does NOT matter when they’re 6-feet under! All those words really don’t mean nothing when they’re gone.

This ain’t no guilt-trip post, it’s more like a do-better-next-time post. I came to a conclusion that I will try my level best, with the human ability that God Almighty has given me, to try and be available to those around me. I can also only do so much! I cannot be there for everyone but what’s the best way God’s taught us to be there for others, pray for them. I decided that I’m not going to be that person who stands before the world and proclaim fake love. Lemme love you when you can still hear me say it….

A simple RIP on that comment section is fine. If you were there when it all mattered, then type away. If not, simply just scroll through or leave it at RIP.

Love me now, please?