How are you?

How are you?

Really...

How are you doing?

Don't take this as the typical 'how are you' that's casually thrown around with the person asking it having no intentions of knowing how you really are doing, in which case you never tell the truth. You always just give a casual answer for the casual question.  Well, ask yourself that genuinely, today - How are you? 

I don't think I'm the only person who's been asked this countless times. It's become so casual such that even when someone wants to genuinely know what's happening, it feels odd to open up. It feels, in your mind before you say it, like you're shifting a burden over to someone else so you opt to keep mum, and deal with your 'demons' alone. There's this YouTube Channel I really really really like. This girl goes to a recreational park ones in a while, meets strangers and asks them random questions or tells them to do certain challenges while she records them, of course with their permission. Among some of the videos she's taken, my favorites are the ones where she asks strangers this question, like 'How are you..really? How are you doing - and I'd like for you to be honest about it.' The answers these strangers give?!! I'll just let you watch that for yourself, be amazed and have your emotions all messed up at the same time. I also like the videos where she asks them to leave a voicemail for their future self and also those where strangers share the kindest things/words they've ever been told by someone, bla bla. Her name's Thoraya Maronesy. Click here for check out her videos.

Her videos reveal that there's a lot going on in peoples minds and lives, which is a direct reflection of what's equally going on in the world. People are going through things they don't even know they are going through until they are asked about it. Some people have lived in fear or with anxiety all their life. Worried about the next thing, the next meal, the next source of income, whether they're doing life right, whether it all matters, etc. Worry has become the order of the day and it not getting any easier. The internet, and especially social media has worsened the situation. People are parading their best life, their happy moments, their wins - and you can't help but sometimes feel sorry for yourself. Drooling over the posh videos most times leave your mind singing.."Daaaaaammmnn, how many Oprah's are there? Coz everyone's sure living the billion dollar life out here on social media....let me now slowly crawl over to the cozy side of my bed-sitter and stuff my mouth with left-over cabbage! LOL!" It skips our minds that that's just all for show and the real life is lived outside of it all; behind the cameras. Looking at the African set up, things aren't any different. Times are hard and everybody is dealing with things they don't want to talk about. Sometimes they do want to talk about these things but the 'African culture' does not, should not and cannot allow you to pour your emotions! How dare you?. 'You're a man' - they say.

How are you? ... Really?

Who does the response to this question benefit? When the answers aren't good, what do you do? Do you reach out for help or you just resort to 'bora uhai'? There's this journal I've kept since May 2014 (...it'll be turning 6 this Thursday.. :)...) and in it I've written so many things, from how classes in campus were going, lecturers I hated, hectic evening classes, teen love, boyfriend dramas, moving houses, money issues, you name it. One chilly May Saturday, I was going through it and came across an entry I made in a month where I was seemingly going through the most. Lonely, depressed, tired & broke-but-can't-ask-for-help-coz-everybody-thinks-you-got-it-all-figured-out? That was me. The fact that I wrote it all down, in detail, in that moment - really was an accurate analysis of how I was doing then. I reached out, spoke my heart out, reminded myself what was really important & fought the part of me that just wanted to do nothing but feel miserable.

 This is to anyone reading this who's not feeling like the answer to 'how are you?' makes them happy. To anyone who's certain that their answer is 'I am struggling with a lot tbh..',  or you're probably just going through the day worried about everything; things aren't working out, you've been looking for new opportunities but none's coming along, you don't understand what's going on, you probably have a strained relationship with your family, you feel drained and unlucky. I just need you to know that your life is important, even if it seems meaningless. It's okay not to be okay. No situation is permanent and if it's something you need help with, reach out and speak to someone about it. Your mental health, your peace of mind? That's the real bag.

With how bumpy life is, not that I'm foreseeing trouble, I know that I will always come back to this post to gas myself up too.

Be happy. Be you. Do you. Be shameless boo (phrase plug, Shameless Maya).