Umenona

Picture this:

It’s home time! It’s time to stop pretending that you’re busy working on your computer when your supervisor makes their routine end-of-day sluggish walks across your workstation – you really were just waiting for the clock to tick 5.00pm, weren’t you? Your stuff’s already stuffed in your work-bag but you don’t want to be the first person to clock out.

“That’ll make the boss think I hate my job & to make it worse, I haven’t made any sales this week…I REALLY shouldn’t be the first one to leave. That way they’ll think I’m putting in that extra effort & working an extra minute! How industrious!” You conclude as you wait an extra 5 minutes during which you lock & unlock your side cabinet seven times in a row while stealing a glance at the biometric machine waiting for 2 colleagues to clock out then you follow 😂😂😂….

After what seems like 40 years & 40 nights in the desert, the coast clears out and Plesdent Kingston can now clock out. Two of your colleagues are heading the same way as you so you join in and together rush through Nairobi streets. Just as you cross over to the next street you feel a soft tap on your back.

“Heeeeeey!!!!!”

The first reaction to a tap on the back in Nairobi City – be it soft, light, hard – is to clutch tight your belongings! Their owner could change in a span of zero to 3 seconds! Nairobi is no one’s mother, they said. You clutch tight your bag then turn your head & body towards the direction of the unprofessional “hey”. People who prolong a simple “Hey” to “Heeeeey” always have hidden motives or they’re just about to lie 😂😂😂. Don’t ask me how i know that.” Mercy!!!!! Wow….hii Nairobi ni kama inakupeleka vizuri sana…waaaah aki si umenona!!!.. 😲😲😲 Nigawie hii pesa unakula!” You turn around and see this former schoolmate who’s probably also heading home. Her mouthful remark leaves you disturbed because you don’t know whether to return the “heeeey” with an equally longer one, tell her that the “umenona” statement really bugs you & you’re broke AF or ask your colleagues to wait for you to rush through this quick talk – it’s rush hour, ain’t nobody got time to wait for nobody!

The rushed re-union ends up being a small talk about your extra weight, chubby cheeks and the assumption that that’s a direct showcase of possession of ‘Nairobi money’😂. Y’all end the talk with the usually never realised resolutions of “Aki tutaongea!!!! Tutafutane aki!” and you proceed to your matatu stage.

As you make humongous strides to beat the human traffic and get to the stage you can’t help but think of the ‘umenona’ statement. Yeah, you’ve been feeling a little heavy lately and you know there’s extra pounds on you BUT it’s pretty offensive & loud when someone else says it 😂😂😂😂. You’ve been snacking heavy on some junk food since work stress kicked in. You knew this was a recipe for disaster but you turned a deaf ear to the numerous inner voices telling you to drink 8 glasses of water a day 🙄🙄 and get that body werked up.

Henywayzzzz, you eventually at some point decide that ‘umenona’ isn’t a compliment, especially when Nairobi money avoids you like a plague & commit to take the bull by its horns.

****

Six weeks Now. Consistently. Of the 7 days in each week, I picked one. In that one day, (Saturdays) I took 1- 2 hours. This time I decided was going to be my “active time” a.k.a exercise time and my best way to exercise is to run/jog. Early this year a doctor told me that my BMI was about to cross to the unhealthy side & that I needed to do s’thing about it (and might I add the occasional ‘umenona aki’ remarks 😣😣)

I haven’t done much but I HAVE DONE MUCH 😊🤣. My pretty lean body now is a result of 6 weeks of jogging, discipline, commitment, sweat, proper water intake, every-day fruit (watermelon = my guilty pleasure 😋) and looking insane along the road running to nowhere 😂😂. I might fall off the wagon at some point (as is usually the case🤣) but today I celebrate this small win! 🥳 I feel extremely good with this body now. I might as well humble brag about it & post it on Facebook . Isn’t that what Facebook is for though? Humble bragging? 🤔🤔😂