FLOWERS

Flowers, random hand written notes, nature walks, just-because cards, long ‘vulnerable’ texts 😆 are among some of the things I love and knew to be my expression of romance or love…cute, right?

Occasionally, while single I’d pass by City Market after work and buy myself a bouquet of roses and go put in my nice vase at home. I should also mention that I had a fixed mind that any man who’s out there searching for a woman (me) should have basic knowledge that ladies loved stuff like these…right? …WRONG 😅

With these assumptions I went into dating & courtship expecting (without communicating) that my now husbae would without a doubt know that women liked flowers so surprising me with them once in a while sio mbaaaya, right? Lemme tell you Maina…😝

Nilingoja flowers my sister! I had assumed & had expectations that he’d just KNOW. So whenever there was a special occasion and flowers weren’t part of the ‘gifts’ I’d feel some typa way …so najipata na makasiriko while still waiting for him to figure it out…a.k.a read my mind 😂..woi

I resorted to giving subtle hints expecting him to catch them…we’d pass by a flower shop and I’d say “Waah, those flowers look so nice”, “Woow, babe ona venye ule mrembo amenunuliwa flowers 😊”…His response would not be what I expected. He’s just say “Wooow” 😂😅 …halafu tunaendelea kutembea kama nimenyamaza waiting for my mind to be read. Ladies!! Okbichalonu 😂 It will not look for you! So what happened next you ask?

It took an external party (Our pastor, during pre-marital counseling) to drill it into my head that no one is a mind reader in this world let alone your spouse and in case I needed something, I had to train myself to communicate plainly what I needed and the things they do or should do that make me feel loved.

Problem now was now getting to that vulnerable position of communicating 😑… In my head I was like “Waah, that’ll make me sound so needy and petty…maybe we can just live bila hizo flowers, etc…si I am an independent woman naeza jinunulia 😏😕”…but I’d still get triggered when the flowers didn’t come so I had to learn to communicate plainly bila hints.

Your spouse’s way of expressing love will most of the time be different with yours. With plain communication (minus pride), you’ll be able to have them meet you in the middle if not fully. This will in turn lessen the number of times you’ll walk around with pent up frustration because they’re not able to read your mind and conform to your standards of romance.