3 Lessons at 3: What Marriage Has Taught Me So Far

Today marks 3 years since I said “I do.” Three years of learning, stretching, laughing, fighting, forgiving, and above all, growing (literally and figuratively). Marriage has been both beautiful and humbling. It has mirrored parts of me I never knew existed, both good and not-so-good. It has amplified behaviours I thought I'd perfected. It welcomed we and stopped me at the door with one question:

"So you think you've got it all figured out, huh?"

As I reflect on this journey so far, I felt led to share 3 core lessons that have stood out for me in this season of becoming one. I call them “3 Lessons at 3.”  - 3 years. Family of 3. 3 lessons.  

1. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s necessary

Forgiveness for me has been so hard, I can't lie. I struggle to move on from an offense. It is one of the areas that still needs improvement. I hold onto offense for long and have a tendency of wanting to block and forget anyone who offends me. Marriage, however, doesn't give me that avenue to just up and leave, so I've had to learn the hard way, to move on from an argument, to accept that I cannot always win, or to simply just pick my battles wisely. Tough, tough... still learning.

2. Submission - Whew, Lord help me!

Submission was a foreign concept to me, not because I hadn’t heard the word, but because I had lived life on my own terms for so long. By my fourth year in university, I was living alone, making all my decisions, running my life independently. I was used to calling the shots..yaani mimi hungeniambia kitu 😂. Then came marriage, a partnership that required not only teamwork but also trust. Trusting him to lead, to make decisions with us in mind, and learning to release control - that wasn’t easy. I struggled big time! I had to unlearn my need to dominate every situation. Here’s what helped and still helps: he never demanded submission. He led with love, and he always made me feel like my voice mattered. That kind of leadership made it easier to learn the art of submission - not as silence or weakness, but as a posture of mutual respect and strength. I won’t pretend I’ve mastered it. Some days, I still fail. But grace covers us, and we keep learning.

3. Walk With Wise Counsel – Your Best Couple is a lifeline (My KEY lesson)

One of the greatest gifts we’ve had in this journey is walking closely with our Best Couple - sober, educated, tough but kind advisors who are older than us, more seasoned in marriage, and rooted in faith. We’ve had moments - very real, raw moments - where my husband and I couldn’t agree on anything and were honestly ready to go our separate ways. We were done!! But then we’d get “summoned” to our best couple's home, which we fondly (and fearfully ) call The Head Quarters, for what can only be described as disciplinary meetings. These sessions often went into the late night hours until the issue was resolved or until another meeting was scheduled because we hadn’t quite cracked it.

Their counsel, prayers, and unwavering support have been our saving grace. Without their input and covering, I genuinely don’t think we would have made it this far. They are not just mentors, they are our spiritual authority. Their impact goes beyond marriage; they speak into every area of our growth. Walking with wise counsel is a necessity, not a luxury. It’s been a true gift.

Three years in and I realize that love is not just found in grand gestures (and is without a doubt NOT a feeling), but in the quiet decisions we make every day, to stay, to trust and to try again. I’m still learning, still being stretched, and still so thankful for the grace that covers us both. 

Cheers to year 3, and to the lessons that will carry us into the years ahead.