Dear wife, when you 'settle', don't settle!

Have you ever thought to challenge the idea that sometimes “settling down” means settling in to roles that make us forget who we are? Today I choose to write for the wife who loves deeply, the mother who gives selflessly and the woman who sometimes disappears behind those beautiful titles. This is a reminder that you’re still allowed to chase your dreams. To glow. To grow. To evolve. Not in spite of your marriage or motherhood but right within them.

There’s this unspoken notion that when a woman gets married, it’s time to “settle.” and for many, that word is taken quite literally. You get the ring, the man, the home, the children and suddenly, it feels like the chase is over. No more dreams to pursue. No more goals to grind. Just settle. Be a wife. Be a mother. Stay in your lane and when you decide to go against the grain you get unsolicited advise pleading with you to stop 'doing too much' and relax." 😆

But what happens when “settling” becomes self-neglect?

Prior to getting married, I made a silent vow to myself: I would not be counted among the women who lost themselves in the name of settling. I knew marriage was a beautiful journey, and motherhood a divine gift but I also knew that I still mattered. My dreams mattered. My mental health, body, passions, and self-worth still mattered. There are aspects of my single girl life that I still wanted to keep holding dear. As my marital journey gained ground, there were seasons I had to slow down. When I became a mother, I breastfed, I rocked my baby to sleep, I gave up sleep, gave up time, gave up me - for a moment because that’s what love does. It stretches. But even in that stretching, I had to know when it was time to rebound back. 

The rebound, dear reader, is not to be confused with the pressure-packed “snapback” culture that floods our social media timelines, those curated images of women looking effortlessly snatched just weeks after giving birth, as if struggle isn’t part of the journey. That’s not what I’m talking about. My rebound was (and still is) personal and gentle. It wasn’t about bouncing back into jeans or looking like I never had a baby. It was about bouncing back into myself, into the woman I envisioned before the diapers, before the overwhelm, before the quiet disappearing act I didn’t even notice was happening.

At some point, without realizing it, I allowed the “settling” to linger. And I saw her - this woman in the mirror who still smiled, still served, still showed up for baby showers and retreats and everyone else’s everything but she was tired, man! Her eyes dimmed. Her back slightly hunched and didn’t feel sexy at all and she whispered to me, 

“Choose me, please?”

I was doing everything for everyone else, but nothing with me in mind. I was the dependable one. The friend who never said no. The one always planning something for others, never pausing to pour into myself and when I did try to pour, my cup was empty. My reflection begged me to love her too.

So, I chose her.

I enrolled in a gym.

It felt foreign at first - saying no to things I once said yes to, learning to charge for skills I gave away for free, prioritizing my sleep, my food, my workouts, my body. It’s been almost five months, and yes, it’s been hard but when I oil my body in the morning, I love the woman looking back. She’s not perfect, but she’s growing. She’s softer in the heart and stronger in the thighs. She’s smiling with intention now and her journey's just getting juicier!

Taking care of yourself after marriage is not rebellion. It is redemption. It's reclaiming your identity in every season. It’s saying: “I can be a wife. I can be a mother. I can also be ME.” So, to every woman reading this, especially the one who's feeling like she's lost her sparkle: Don’t wait for someone else to give you permission.

Choose you. Please.

You're gonna love the results! (Your manz will too!😜)