Motherhood Musings - Get Help

No one really tells you that motherhood is less about giving birth to a child and more about giving birth to yourself, over and over. I read a quote that said "Every time a mother births a child, a new version of her is also born i.e. for every new child, there's a new mommy."

They warn you about sleepless nights, stretch marks, and how your tea will always go cold before the second sip, which are all true to some degree but what they don’t prepare you for is how deeply motherhood rearranges your heart (and mindset). How it humbles you. How it softens and strengthens you in the same breath and how freakin' hard it is. Yes, it's H for hard. 

I remember the early days holding my tiny human (now all grown) and wondering, “God, are you sure you trusted me with this?” and as an amateur in this field, I doubted my capability to parent well quite often. Motherhood taught me patience in ways no sermon ever could. It exposed my limits and then gently pushed me past them. It showed me parts of myself I didn’t know existed: fierce love, irrational fear, deep tenderness, quiet resilience, you name it!

When you become a mother, your planning skills automatically improve. Your level of multi-tasking goes to expert-level. Oh, you also become a 'Walking Pharmacist', able to assess some conditions your baby has and right away dash into the meds cabinet full of Calpol and its colleagues. Prior to reaching this level though, you must go through several seasons of chaos; of not knowing how to handle baby's fever, simple coughs and not knowing whether this crying baby needs food, sleep or they're just throwing a sensless tantrum 😆. Among other things, this hood called motherhood also drives your mind back to how you were raised so many times; trying to pick great habits your folks used on you and at the same time trying not to pass generational drawbacks to your lil' one. Ni kazi, si uwongo but ni possbo.

Some days I feel like I’m winning but life being the rollercoaster that it is, other days, survival feels like the only achievement worth celebrating but I keep encouraging myself that both of those days count. My hack so far into this motherhood journey, to avoid risking my sanity, is getting help!! I cannot ephasize the extent to which having extra help makes me a better mother. I decided that for me to still be wholesome and complete, raising a child with people would be a program I will always sign up for. Having help makes it easy for me to focus on myself; my goals, career, hobbies and general growth. Help makes it easy for me to find time to fill my cup....which to be very honest, obesssive mothering and wife-ing can drain if one isn't careful. Motherhood has a way of exposing a truth we often resist: we were never meant to do this alone!

This help looks like letting someone hold the baby so you can shower without rushing. It looks like accepting a cooked meal instead of insisting, “I’m okay.” It looks like saying, “I’m overwhelmed,” out loud without adding an apology and avoiding taking over every task in the house.  Bob the Builder, rest please! You can't do everything mum. Delegate. 

Getting help is asking your husband to step in, not as a favour, but as shared responsibility. It is also allowing your village/community to show up, even when you’re used to being the one who shows up for others. Sometimes, getting help looks like outsourcing & paying for this help. Money makes life very easy, if you have it - use it for this purpose too.

Getting help requires humility and asks us to release the myth of the “super mum.” When a mother is supported, she doesn’t become weak but sustainable. So if you’re in a season where you need help, take it. Receive it without guilt.

Fatigue isikuue ju wewe hujui kuishi na watu!