A Mother’s Balancing Act

How do you leave a three-month-old baby behind and walk into work expecting your heart to function normally? This is my second time preparing to do it and somehow, it still hurts.

The first time, I had postpartum depression. I went back to work while I was still trying to find myself again, not fully healed. I wasn’t ready but circumstances forced me to return. I had to show up and function even when, inside, I was struggling. I remember having to re-learn some basic work tasks from a colleague I had trained before leaving for my maternity leave. What a humbling experience that was!

This time, I thought I would be more prepared but here I am again, looking at my baby and wondering how I’m supposed to leave him with a caregiver and simply carry on.

Then there’s breastfeeding. Expressing milk at work. Finding a private space. Working around meetings and deadlines and quietly worrying;

'What if my supply reduces?'

'What if the stress affects it?'

Not every workplace has a mothers’ room. Not every workplace makes it easy. Yet mothers are expected to somehow make it work.

You can be grateful for your job and still wish you could stay home longer. You can love your career and still cry when you leave your baby. You can be ambitious and still feel guilty.

Both things can be true.

Maybe that’s what I’m learning this time: motherhood doesn’t pause when you return to work. You carry it with you; in every expressed bottle, every worry, every rushed trip home and that overwhelming joy when you finally hold your baby again.

So, here I go again. Not completely fearless. Not completely ready. Just taking it one day at a time and giving myself permission to admit that:

This is HARD. ❤️

#WorkingMoms #PostPartum #Motherhood